125: a peg in many holes (itty bitty thought)

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A friend said to me the other day, “you must have pretty wild hat hair from all the different hats you have to wear and all the switching you do between them.”

We weren’t necessarily talking about having taken on too many roles or tasks, but more about the different people we felt we had to be while doing things. Being a well-rounded person or a person with lots of interests can be fun and enlightening, but it can also be an internal struggle.

And maybe you’ve experienced this too.

I bet you have. Because I don’t know that I’ve ever met someone who belongs in one box that’s easily labeled.

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In my own life, I often think about things like:

How can I be a nice, “normal” homesteader who writes about self-sufficiency and old fashioned earthy things, but also be a fiction writer who writes novels that are really freaking dark?

How can I be part of both the homesteading community and the fiction writer community when so many people within those communities are on polar opposites in their lifestyle and their politics?

How can I do half my YouTube videos be deep thoughts, and then I do things like Farmish Life in Five videos where I’m a complete nutcase?

Communities are often defined by what they do and what they believe and what they put out to the world. And there can sometimes be a glitch in my head when I think on how pieces of me can fit really well into a community, but other things in that same exact community don’t describe me at all.

For instance, there are certain communities I’m a part of where if you don’t eat keto and have a phd level grasp of cryptocurrency, who even are you?

There are certain communities I’m part of where if you don’t immediately scowl when you say the word “police,” who even are you?

There are certain communities I’m a part of where if you eat meat, who even are you?

So, I was sitting out on the front step the other day thinking about things like this, like where I fit, and a thought occurred to me that hadn’t before.

What if I get to the end of my life and I find out that being the “perfect, exactly right person” to step into that community was never the point?

What if I get to the end of my life and I find out that “staying in my lane” never even really mattered?

What if staying in my nice labeled box for the sake of those around me wasn’t ever supposed to be the goal?

What if all of that is a distraction?

How much of my life am I going to waste on a distraction?

How much are you going to waste on a distraction?

What if we get to the end of our lives and find out that the point was supposed to be to teach the world that people aren’t pegs you can stick in one hole?

Because the truth is, sometimes pieces of us fit into a lot of different, seemingly conflicting places. And that’s okay.

Go forth, be you, a peg that fits in many holes.

And be a badass beacon for people who want to do the same.

— Amy Dingmann, 3-24-21